The Problem with Lupes
by Smenzer
Summary: Gabrielle writes about Ares and his dog. Comedy.


Title: The Problem with Lupes

Title: The Problem with Lupes

Author: Smenzer

Rating: PG

Pairing: Ares/Gabrielle

Archive: Yes, please. Let me know if you take it, OK?

Teaser: Gabrielle talks about Ares and his dog, Greggius. 

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. They belong to Studios USA or 

Whoever owns the Rights to Xena: Warrior Princess. This is just for fun. No money is being made.

Note: This story is written from Gabrielle's viewpoint.

Did you ever wonder what it's like living with the God of War? You probably imagine he comes home every night covered in blood and gore from some war he has going on. Well, he doesn't really do that. In fact, Ares is a lot like a regular guy, except for his powers, Godly strength and good looks. In fact, he even has a dog.

What? You didn't know he has a dog? Well, it's not really a dog. I call it a dog. I'm just used to that word. What? Yes, Ares, I know it's an Olympian Lupe. See, I wrote it right. Are you satisfied now? Good. Now stop peering over my shoulder at this scroll! Gods, Xena never did that. But then again, she never put a roof over my head either. Come to think of it, there are lots of things Xena never did that Ares did. Like marry me. Anyway, back to Ares' Lupe.

I was quite surprised when he first showed me his Lupe, Greggius. I had heard stories of those two-headed dogs they have up on Olympus and was a little scared of meeting him. But Ares promised me he wasn't like that at all. He was right. I know, I know, you're thinking of that huge lizard dog thing Hercules killed, right? Well, it's not that thing either. I would never allow Ares to have a horrible creature like that! That was the *old* Ares that had that monster. In the old days he seemed to like things like that. Well, Greggius is very cute! He looks a lot like a wolf except he has red fur. His has white on his chin, chest, paw tips and the end of his tail. Yellow eyes like a true wolf. 

Oh, and he can talk.

Yes, that's right! Greggius can talk! Apparently all Lupes can. You'll be amazed at the other things he can do. Like read books. In fact, Greggius loves it when Ares reads to him. Sometimes I read to him, too. We have to keep buying new books for him from the Olympian Bookstore. He goes through them so quickly! He just craves all the knowledge inside them, whether it's fiction or nonfiction. So far the only book Greggius refused to read was about proper manners. He said it was too boring and that it was for puppies. Hmmmm...I guess maybe he doesn't really need it. He already is very well mannered the way it is. 

You know all that treasure people donate at the temples, the denars, gems, jewelry and stuff? Well, lots of it goes for Greggius' care. I was totally amazed when Ares told me how much money he spends on that Lupe! Like take those books for example. The last time Ares went shopping at the Olympian Bookstore he went a bit overboard. He bought fourteen books for that Lupe of ours! All together that costed close to ten thousand denars! I almost fainted when he carried that huge pile of books into our home, Greggius happily following him. Then he told me the price and I wanted to clobber him. But Ares pointed out that books for mortals wouldn't be invented yet for several thousand years and that they were rare. Anyway, I have to admit I enjoy reading them, too. I guess I'm not used to living with a God on Olympus yet. But thanks to those books Greggius can now do geometry. Even I can't do that! 

Ares told me that in the future mortals would feed their pets dry food that comes in bags. None of that stuff for Greggius! He eats what we eat. No, not Ambrosia. We on Olympus eat more than Ambrosia, you know. Like we have these exotic fruits called Neggs. They come in the most oddest color combinations and designs. Some even have magic powers. Ares once fed Greggius one of those, hoping he'd get some magical abilities but nothing happened. There are many other weird fruits and foods up here, too. So far Greggius ate everything we gave him. The first thing I ever fed him was a big bag of apples from the mortal world below. He gobbled them up and burped afterward. Truly amazing!

Now to the bad part. I must admit Greggius does have a few bad habits. For one, he likes to gamble! Yes, he gambles. See, when Ares takes him for a walk Greggius always wants to go past the Wheel. The Wheel is this huge thing Zeus put up centuries ago. Ares said it's one of Zeus' ways of getting denars from the other Gods. You put the denars in this slot and the Wheel spins around and around. You can win cool stuff from the Wheel, but sometimes bad stuff happens! 

Like the time a huge fireball came down from the top of the wheel and burned Greggius! You'd think that would teach that Lupe to stay away from the Wheel but it didn't. Nope, the next time Ares took him out that's exactly where he headed! OK, I admit the fireball really didn't hurt Greggius very much. It just singed his fur a bit. But Ares was boiling mad! He lost his temper and tried to beat the Wheel up. That was bad because Apollo was strolling past at the time and saw. Before you know it everyone on Olympus knew about it! Well, you know Apollo. He changed the story. He didn't tell anyone about the fireball, he just said Ares was addicted to gambling. I told Ares he couldn't keep spending one hundred denars every time he takes Greggius for a walk but he just can't say no to that Lupe. Besides, I think he likes it when he puts one hundred in and gets ten thousand back! But so far that only happened twice.

Fireballs aren't the only bad things on that Wheel. There are lightning bolts, too. Those are far worse as they are Zeus' specialty. So far Ares was lucky and didn't get that prize yet. But he did get Dachoo. What's that? It's like a cold for Lupes. And because Gods don't normally get sick, it's *very* expensive to cure! The first time Greggius got Dachoo from the Wheel Ares had to pay Apollo eight thousand denars for the cure! When Ares brought the cure home I was shocked. I had expected some medicine, but it was just these soft square papers. I tell you, it didn't seem like paper at all! They were sooo soft! They came inside this little box and when you pulled one out another popped up to take it's place. You wiped Greggius' nose with them. That sneaky Apollo gave just enough for one cure. Anyway, Greggius was playing the Wheel again and has caught Dachoo. Now Ares has to save denars for Apollo. I think it's terrible that Zeus put diseases on the Wheel as prizes, don't you?

Just today Ares and Greggius were playing this card game named Black Jack. They were playing against each other but were betting real denars. It's *very* embarrassing! I mean, he lost to a Lupe! Yes, that's right. And over one thousand denars, too! Ares said he's never going to play Black Jack against Greggius again! No, Greggius, I'm not going to play that game with you, either. I'll play Hide and Seek with you, but NO gambling! No, that look won't work on me like it does on Ares. After seeing Xena's steely gaze a few times, well, it just won't work. Whining won't work, either. Here, have some watermelon. That's a good boy, go eat your snack and let me write in my scroll. What? Oh, all right, Ares! Here's YOUR watermelon! Ahhhh! You're dripping it on my scroll! Shoo! Peace and quite once more.

Now what was I saying? Oh yes, Greggius gambles. Somehow he heard of the Olympian Lottery and bought a few tickets. Now he's hoping he's going to win! Isn't that amazing! That Lupe!

What else can I say? Oh! Once Greggius told Ares he wanted a palace built out of chocolate! Can you believe that? I told Ares NO. Why, that Lupe would EAT the house and get sick! I bet Apollo would like that though. Ares was smart and started building Greggius his own Lupe House made out of stone. So far he built three rooms. Or was it four? Hmmm....I think it was four. Yeah. He placed a pink rug in the lobby. Leave it to Ares! You'd think he's building another temple or something. I really don't see why Greggius needs his own house when he lives inside with us. I guess it's because all of the other Lupes have houses. 

The only other thing I can think of to say right now is that Greggius is going to school. Yeah. School! Can you believe that one? I still find it hard to believe. Apparently this teacher only accepts these special rocks for payment and Ares is having a tough time getting one. I'm not sure who the teacher is, but I guess he collects rocks. Anyway, as you can see, Ares goes through lots of trouble for his pet! He needs to get this rock AND save denars for Apollo! 

That old saying is true though. People will spend more denars on their pets then they do on themselves! Especially if you have Greggius for a pet! Well, I better go and clean up that watermelon mess they left in the kitchen. Can you imagine how a Lupe eats watermelon? Ares! You better give Greggius a bath now. He really needs it. Don't look at me like that. The Lupe Shampoo is where you left it. You know where. Now go on. 

Maybe we'll get lucky tomorrow and win the Olympian Lottery! 

Yeah. Right.

Gabrielle, Goddess of Friendship

Mount Olympus


End file.
